next time i will

okay. for the last few weeks i have been working out as much as possible trying to get really healthy and all. now, i love working out and all but today was different. i was wearing my shoes from England and as i’m on my first 10 minuets of 20 my toes start to get numb. usually this wouldn’t bother me except that their was nothing that i could do about this except stop. even then my foot stayed numb for the next 15 minuets. wow. i guess i will have to wear my other sneakers all the time now. no worries except that i really like my Nikes. but my New Balance are much more comfortable and don’t cause as much problems.

now i am still very tired from the workout. using the eliptical for my cardio comes at the end of the workout. that is at about an hour in. well there is always tomorrow.

trying out the email post thing

okay, didn’t know that i could do this at all. but here it is. i can actually type an email and send it out to my blog. now ain’t that a simpler way then having to actually log onto that thing, or even downloading another bit of software?

wow, i hope it works cause if it does it might be real cool.

hey there

okay, two posts in one day is rather strange for me considering that i have usually been hard put to post once a month. however, i just posted the lyrics to a song by Thrice and realized that i had done so earlier. well i guess that is saying something about this song and how i am feeling right now. not to say that i feel like slicing my wrists but that maybe i need a personal angel (like in Artist in the Ambulance) to come and save me from whatever is tugging me down. okay, enough of the moroseness. . . i wrote a poem the other day to my girlfriend and i haven’t sent it to her cause of what was going on with us at the time and not wanting to feel like i was pushed into writing it and/or sending it. but, since here it is anyway:

choka for my heart

how about we meet

somewhere between lights dimming’s

atleast before death

life creates strange circumstance

somewhere between darks bright’ning

rain fell, thunder shuddered walls

my eyes closed with glee

thoughts of your thumping swam up

let’s meet, then let’s disappear

3 July 2009

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silhouette

by Thrice

Your eyes, followed me here.
Your eyes, seamless and sure.
They leave me broken and, in need of a cure.

Your eyes, followed me here.
Your eyes, sifting my soul.
They leave me broken and forge diamonds from the coal.

They race me along
the infinite synapse of white lines.
and then while chasing the dawn
with storybook syntax
Your eyes slit the throat, of all I know.
About myself and this life.
This silhouette lie.

And your eyes, speaking in tongues.
Vigilant still, filling my lungs.
Testing my will.
They leave me broken and, bruised and bleeding.

Your eyes, resting in flame,
Leave me breathless again
Like hydrogen
Split on faultlines
or ten years living with
exposure to radon

Your eyes slit the throat, of all I know.
About myself and this life.
This silhouette lie.

Your eyes, Your eyes.
Speaking in tongues.
Vigilant still, lead our way.
Filling my lungs.
Testing my will.

You slit the throat, of I know.
About myself and this life.
This silhouette lie.

You slit my throat.
Because I know,
That this life, is a lie.
So slit my throat.

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hi-d-ho

hey, so i just was told that if i have a blog that i should probably keep updating the thing. well, here i am, trying to use external software to update the thing and hoping that it really does work out for me.

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Shine your light for the world to see

this is one of those songs that inspires me to keep writing. to keep my head up and to move forward, not backwards. love. love. love.

“Umi Says” —MOS DEF

I don’t wanna write this down, (world… premiere)
I wanna tell you how I feel right now (world… premiere)
I don’t wanna take no time to write this down, (world… premiere)
I wanna tell you how I feel right now, hey (world… premiere)

Tomorrow may never come
For you or me
Life is not promised
Tomorrow may never show up
For you and me
This life is not promised

I ain’t no perfect man
I’m trying to do, the best that I can,
With what it is I have
I ain’t no perfect man
I’m trying to do, the best that I can,
With what it is I have

Put my heart and soul into this song (yes yes)
I hope you feel me
From where I am, to wherever you are
I mean that sincerely
Tomorrow may never come
For and me
Life is not promised
Tomorrow may never appear
You better hold this very moment very close to you (right now)
Very close to you (right now)
So close to you, So- close to you (your moment in history is right now!)
Don’t be affraid, to let it shine

My Umi said shine your light on the world
Shine your light for the world to see
My Abi said shine your light on the world
Shine your light for the world to see
(I want black people to be free, to be free, to be free)
My Abi said shine your light on the world
(Want black people to be free, to be free, to be free)
Shine your light for the world to see
(Want black people to be free, to be free, to be free)
My Umi said shine your light on the world
(Want black people to be free, to be free, to be free)
Shine your light for the world to see
(Want black people to be free, to be free…)

Sometimes I get discouraged
I look around and, things are so weak
People are so weak
Sometimes,
Sometimes I feel like crying
Sometimes my heart gets heavy
Sometimes I just want to leave and fly away (fly fly fly, like a dove)
Sometimes I don’t know what to do with myself (ow!)
Passion takes over me
I feel like a man
Going insane
Losing my brain
Trying to maintain
Doing my thang
Hey hey hey hey hey
Put my heart and soul into this y’all
I hope you feel me
Where I am, to wherever you are (ha ha ha ha)
Sometimes I don’t want to be bothered
Sometimes I just want a quiet life, with
Me and my babies, me and my lady
Sometimes I don’t want to get into no war
(Black people to be free, to be free…)
Sometimes I don’t wanna be a soldier
Sometimes I just wanna be a man, but

Umi said shine your light on the world
Shine your light for the world to see
My Abi said shine your light on the world
Shine your light for the world to see
(I want black people to be free, to be free, to be free)
My dreamers(?) said shine your light on the world
(Want black people to be free, to be free, to be free)
Shine your light for the world to see
(Want black people)
My elders said shine your light on the world (Hey hey)
Shine your light for the world to see

I want black people to be free, to be free, to be free
All my people to be free, to be free, to be free
Oh black people to be free, to be free, to be free
Oh black people to be free, to be free, to be free

That’s all that matters to me [x7]

Black people unite and let’s all get down
Gotta have what,
Gotta have that love
Peace and understanding
One God, one light
One man, one voice, one mic
Black people unite come on and do it right
Black people unite come on and do it right
Black people unite come on and get down
Gotta have what,
Love, peace and understanding
One God, one voice, one life
One man, gon’ shine my light
Black people unite, now hop up and do it right
Black people unite, now come on and do it right
Yeah baby that’s what I like
Yeah baby that’s what I like
Yeah baby that’s what I like…
(Black people, my people….)

Silhouette —by Thrice

Silhouette
   ——Thrice

Your eyes, followed me here. 
Your eyes, seamless and sure. 
They leave me broken and, in need of a cure. 

Your eyes, followed me here. 
Your eyes, sifting my soul. 
They leave me broken and forge diamonds from the coal.

They race me along
the infinite synapse of white lines.
and then while chasing the dawn
with storybook syntax
Your eyes slit the throat, of all I know.
About myself in this life. 
This silhouette lie.

And your eyes, speaking in tongues. 
Vigilant still, filling my lungs. 
Testing my will. 
They leave me broken and, bruised and bleeding. 

Your eyes, resting in flame, 
Leave me breathless again
Like hydrogen
Split on faultlines
or ten years living with
exposure to radon

Your eyes slit the throat, of all I know. 
About myself in this life. 
This silhouette lie.

Your eyes, Your eyes. 
Speaking in tongues. 
Vigilant still, lead our way. 
Filling my lungs. 
Testing my will. 

You slit the throat, of all I know. 
About myself in this life. 
This silhouette lie.

You slit my throat. 
Because I know, 
That this life, is a lie. 
So slit my throat.

saying i’m sorry

i don’t know about his one. maybe it is the mistakes that i have made throughout my life, but i think that i am paying for them now. so, to everyone all i can say is that i apologize for all the craziness that i have put out in this world. sorry for not being there to the people who have needed me. sorry to the people that i have used, and/or abused, for no good reason. 

i feel as though something is happening, or coming that i have never felt before. maybe i should have left to seminary, and all the decisions that i have made after that one where just really wrong decisions. maybe, maybe, maybe. i don’t get it anymore. what i should do and what would make me happy are so distant in time and space and mental thought. they, my thoughts, are keeping me from being happy but at the same time i have a feeling that i need to be unhappy — atleast for now. or, atleast till i can make one decision without weighing my options. just live life and all that, but it has never been me. making bad decisions and then beating myself up is what i am made for. 

ranting seems to be infectious so i will not disappear into classwork and dreams of the sound of the coqui putting me to sleep at night.

Vegetarianism!

okay, a rather weird title for this one, i know. however, since i am no longer a vegetarian i thought it would be nice to explain the why. last week, after blood test at the health clinic i was told that i have mild anemia — which is basically an iron deficiency. so now for better or worse i am making the long journey back to omnivorous territory. the sat think is that i take all kinds of vitamin/mineral supplements and that is not enough. so, by by to all the good intentions of trying to be healthy and i hope that going backwards is going to put my body back on track. but still no pork, that’s the devils food man.

McCain’s phone call to Obama

ok, don’t really know why this caught my eye today. . . it is obama day and all. but, i was reading, on CNN, about McCain’s phone call to Obama and it really made me sad. it made me sad because instead of it being about the country and about all of us, it runed into an us-against-them call. i know that i shouldn’t let any of the propaganda or slant of politicians get to me but it just dawned on me that that is why i didn’t like McCain. not so much because of all his constant attacks on Obama, and Obama saying nothing, but because he made me feel really dirty.

 

his comments on the phone were very telling. when he spoke of Obama’s victory he said that it was a great day for Obama’s country and for African-Americans. he did not say it was a victory for the rest of us. not for white, hispanics, asians, africans or anyone else that calls him/herself and American. very sad that even in a great victory for those who have been deplored for so long by the establishment (anyone not white) their is also the old slave owner’s mentality that nothing good will come of it.

what, after almost 300 years us unwanted can’t do better than the wanted. i don’t know, when was the last time that a Chinese-American started a fight over land rights and sovereignty that became a civil war? if the answer is never then atleast give us a chance. we can’t do worse, and we sure as hell can do better.

anyway, why didn’t anyone vote Nader, atleast the planet would be better off for sure?