i don’t know about his one. maybe it is the mistakes that i have made throughout my life, but i think that i am paying for them now. so, to everyone all i can say is that i apologize for all the craziness that i have put out in this world. sorry for not being there to the people who have needed me. sorry to the people that i have used, and/or abused, for no good reason.
i feel as though something is happening, or coming that i have never felt before. maybe i should have left to seminary, and all the decisions that i have made after that one where just really wrong decisions. maybe, maybe, maybe. i don’t get it anymore. what i should do and what would make me happy are so distant in time and space and mental thought. they, my thoughts, are keeping me from being happy but at the same time i have a feeling that i need to be unhappy — atleast for now. or, atleast till i can make one decision without weighing my options. just live life and all that, but it has never been me. making bad decisions and then beating myself up is what i am made for.
ranting seems to be infectious so i will not disappear into classwork and dreams of the sound of the coqui putting me to sleep at night.