okay, so i still don’t feel happy about leaving. i do feel like leaving; i’m just not happy about it just yet. whatever though. i guess i should leave. i’m depression is setting in and i’m begining to hurt people that i love. not that it matters to them that i am all hurt up inside. i just want peace now, and some quiet.
to all those who have expressed a wish to see me before i go; i’m sorry that i am being such an ass. to those that don’t really care what happens to me: FUCK YOU. to the rest who are in the middle — don’t worry about it, soon it will not matter.
below i am posting an old poem of mine. i don’t’ know what i was thinking about then, but it seems to capture my feelings very well today:
scared
crying
cringing
ready to meet my one true fate
to see it all to its end
everywhere alone
alone and ready to go
seeping
crawling
crying
alone and ready to die
death at my door
i can see it
but i run
run from what
from self
scared to live
scared to die
ready to see it to its end
7-9-03
The Ageless Dummy 